February

I slept through the first part of my art class today, and I think my art teacher is annoyed by me.

Art Teacher

I was sitting a on a strange bench that, that was basically a couch, but you couldn't call it one, because it was extremely long and had no back to it, after my art class, and it occured to me.

I would truly enjoy teaching at a place like Glassel (where I take my art classes).

I realized that even if my art never pulls in an income, and even if it does, I can still end up teaching somewhere, which would be so incredibly satisfying.

Transformation

There, around the corner, it's huddled and happy 

to see me. I hope it sticks.

Sick

I am sick. I feel all shivery and prickly.

Truly, moments of being sick, I actually enjoy.

I like the warm waves that traverse my body,

when I wear my thick black jacket.

I do not like the loss of appetite though.

I already have trouble feeling hungry 

as it is.

Buddhist, or not?

This weekend was very packed with self understanding. I have realized after as a Buddhist I am caught up in a label. I was left wondering, should I call myself a Buddhist, or not. Really, it makes no difference what it is called, or if it is called. Everybody has different beliefs, no matter how they want to classify them. True Wisdom doesn't need to be classified, and can come from any source. 

In the past I have approached Buddhism too idealistically, and with too much attachment to goals. Not only that, but I have criticized other traditions, while seemingly maintaining religious tolerance. This is not the right way.

In the past, in studying Buddhism, I have been misguided. I focused too much on the philosophy and technical aspects, failing to examine myself, which is at the heart of the matter.

I went on a walk today, while reading "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind" and realized that I have grown as a Buddhist, even when though I have been out of practice for a month.

I have done so, because in that time I have redirected the focus of practice inwardly, rather then as an effort to find answers from texts.

Depression

I cook up my own depression

like an expert chef.

It seems,

I am getting better, and 

better

at achieving 

culinary perfection

with less, and

less 

ingredients. 

sex

I attended a lecture today, on the Catholic view of sexuality. I was very suprised to find out that I agreed completly with most of what she had to say. 

For a little while, I really wished I believed in God. 

Art

I am very happy to say, that as my art classes continue, I am growing more comfortable with the idea of being an art major. It is really just so naturally engaging to me. 

I feel like I am breaking bad habits associated with drawing as well. For instance, when I did art in HighSchool, I had an inflated sense of my own skill, which held me back from improving myself as well as not taking the lessons seriously. In my classes now, I am fully engaged and with less big headedness. I also appretiate, that my professors pick on me a bit more, because I think they can tell that I have the tendency to coast by on natural talent, without really pushing myself.

Rainy Day

I rode my bike to go get a BK veggie today. Meanwhile, rain drops collected on my glasses making me feel awkward.